why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
