Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

We won't sleep together?

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(270): View more from Kentucky

guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.

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(914): View more from New York

right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(410): View more from Maryland

We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway

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(620): View more from Kansas

I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.

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(719): View more from Colorado

The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders

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