if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.