i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.