"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
