Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.