Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(972): View more from Texas

Hey man sorry I got all grabby

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(905): View more from Ontario

oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...

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(706): View more from Georgia

we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(281): View more from Texas

WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!

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(585): View more from New York

I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"

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(678): View more from Georgia

I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.

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