Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
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She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
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Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice