i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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