i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
