its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
