Got a toothbrush?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize