you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
