yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
