Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
