The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
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did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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