it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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