Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
