Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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