after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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