You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
