So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
