Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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