Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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