And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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