I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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