According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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