he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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