So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
