I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
