My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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