Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize