if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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