We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
