I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
