glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
