I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
