Do you still have your period?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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