Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
