I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
