when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
