half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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