thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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