So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
