I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
