I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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