it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
