he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
