I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
