i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
