So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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