I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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