Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
