I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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