no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
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LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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