my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
