I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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