I heard we made out
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
