cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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