I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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