My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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