i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
