so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
