Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
