think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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