I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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