Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
