I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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