I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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