That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
